Ordered Lives
by meroe
Summary: [EdWin] At 25, Ed and Al comes back to find Winry happily living with her three year old daughter, Trisha. Postmovie drama, romance. Part I finished.
1. Prologue

**Title:** **Ordered Lives** (Formerly entitled "He Came Back")

**Author:** meroe

**Pairings:** EdWin

**Summary:** Ed and Al make a heroic attempt to come back to their world, for the sake of all things dear to heart.

**Disclaimer:** If I own Fullmetal Alchemist, it won't be this sad.

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**Prologue

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**

He recoiled from her touch, and she could do nothing but pull her hand back. She tried again, touching his cheek, his smooth cheek. This time he didn't move, he was prepared, but he couldn't look straight to her eyes.

"As I thought," she whispered in a strained voice. Her voice was much like hers; strained, whenever she tried to hide a feeling she can't express. But now, as before, he can't do anything to help her. He can only help himself.

He was that selfish.

Her hand went down to her side, and they stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. The three feet in between them was a distance she couldn't comprehend. _So they've said_, she muttered to herself. Every time someone gets close, Edward Elric would push away. More so than that, he _ran_ away. It was almost as if he was afraid. Afraid of what? Of someone touching the complex of his heart? He would withdraw suddenly, shutting himself in the universe of his undisturbed thoughts.

He did not say anything, not even a mumbled apology, and her chest constricted. Was she not enough of a replacement, to whatever image he held dear to his heart? His brother was equally nice to her, and Alphonse was a better gentleman. This is not to say that Ed was a bastard; he was, in many ways than one, charming. To her. And mostly to anyone else, as long as you don't call him short.

"Will I never be enough?" She blurted out. The pupils of his eyes dilated, he looked at her. "No," he started and moved his hand to wipe away the tears that made their way. "No—"

Instinctively, she backed away and wiped her eyes. She breathed audibly and smiled — much like how _she_ faked her smiles — to say everything is alright. "No, Ed. I didn't mean to cry. It's alright, I kind of understand. She must be very dear to you."

Ed looked to the floor.

"So very dear that you won't dare…make…" she struggled to find the right words "some–"

"I'm sorry Winry," he finally said. She looked at his face; he was staring at the rug where she stood. "It's not about you, it's about me." That was corny, but he had to say something. "It's just… I can't do this to you. I know I don't love you," he said flatly. _That hurts_, he thought. But he was selfish, remember? He can't do this to _her_.

"Or maybe I did. But for all the wrong reasons. And I can't spoil any woman, just because they look like someone I'm in love with." He finally looked to her face.

"You understand, don't you? You're lovely, and I mean that as a man. But this is just not right for you; I know I can't return those feelings. I…apologize."

She slowly schooled a smile. That was a learned speech, he sounded so detached. "Yes."

"Don't take this personal—

"Please Ed," she cut. She looked so fragile, and all the more so lovely, in the moonlight. "Please keep the image of a strong me in your eyes."

He smiled and she smiled back. With that, she gathered her remaining clothes he removed and headed for the bathroom.

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A/N: I apologize for Ed's corny line, but that's that for the moment. . Yes, yes. It was my first attempt at a multi-chaptered fic. If I haven't written it clearly, yep, Ed was in his room with Winry, but that's not quite what you make it out to be. If you want to know what happened at least,kindly REVIEW... 


	2. Reunion

**Title: Ordered Lives (Formerly entitled "He Came Back")**

**Author: meroe**

**Pairings: EdWin**

**Summary: At 25, Ed and Al made a heroic attempt to come back. It was just not the perfect homecoming they imagined.**

**Disclaimer: If I own it, Winry's not gonna be sad.**

**A/N**: I redid the prologue and this chapter. I hope it made it better. It's just minor changes, grammar and stuff. Oh, and in reading this fic, please make two assumptions. One, poor Winry finally learned how to move on. And two,though I knew it's highly unlikely (what with that closing gates and stuff), Ed and Al _willed_ to return back and found a way to do so.

That said, please enjoy!

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**Ordered Lives**

**Reunion**

The countryside was just, so countryside with its parching heat. He never thought too much of this heat, but it occasionally plagued Resembool. It was the time of the year when they would run to the river and have swimming races. Of course, Winry was a perennial loser. After lunch, they would pick the favorite tree. He'd fall asleep reading his alchemy, Al would lay drifting to wonderland, and she, well she would just pat Den and pretend to sleep.

That was a good many years ago. Seventeen. Four was gone with their broken journey as a State Alchemist. Another two in Munich alone. Five in Munich with Al, and with so many alter personalities of people he knew back in Amestris.

His body went rigid. How many years had it been? Five? No. Seven. Seven years since he made his 'heroic' decision to remain in the Other World. Seven years since she last fitted his automail, which took two loving years of hope and calculation to be of exact size. It wasn't of much help. In Germany, he and Al devised a method of extending the metal by adding a few scraps at the joint. He made a mess out of it in the first night, and decided to leave it alone. But the much dreamed-of centimeters came and he could no longer ignore the gap of his height. It's inconvenient forever shuffling to his right leg when he wants to be taller and to the left when he's already tired.

So Al and Ed studied his limb's technology diligently. After a few months, they made a decent job out of it. Well, almost decent. It squeaked every so often, at inopportune moments when he was with a date, and every night when he had finished his alterations to it, he would sigh heavily and his brother would just stare.

It was then that the thought sank heavily. Edward, whether romantically or for practical reasons, cannot live normally without his mechanic, but they decided to put a distance between their worlds no amount of her devotion could cross.

Then, one winter night, it happened.

----

Ed slumped on a bench in the university square, watching lazily as couples drifted by. He wished he had that same kind of luck Alphonse had, he seemed to find love wherever he looked for it. And he does wish metals grow too. "I wish I don't grow that much," he absentmindedly rubbed his leg. "NOOOO! ITSNOTGOODATALLIHAVETOGROWUPBUTWHYTHEHELLDOESTHISPIECEOF—

"What the—," a passerby said shocked. People are capable of fast speech only when they feel an overriding emotion, and the milk-hater had just exhibited an overly nurtured frustration about his height.

He snorted and turned his head to the other direction. He looked again at his arm. "This arm, I wish Winry made something adjustable for me, seeing that it would take long before I come for repairs," he abruptly stopped. Murmuring nonsense was just not so manly, and he was a masochist at that. He knew Winry had, but he stopped again. It was painful thinking about anything that has to do with that world. The feeling of loss became worse with time, seeing many alter-personas of people he once knew. Eventually he came to associate home with pain, so he avoided thoughts of it at all costs.

"Amazing," she heard her voice in the distance. He was not quite sure what impressed her, his natural charisma or his metal arm that he had unwittingly exposed. And when he looked at her, the memory of that night was dazed.

--

Alphonse became her friend. She was quite nice and he saw her many times in the university. Ironically, she was more into science than mechanics. But she often came to the brothers' workshop, because people you want to avoid just keep on showing when you don't want them to. For the older Elric though, he wants nothing to do with it, in the start at least. Winry Fulbright was only impressed by his arm; Winry Rockbell loved it.

But because she saw it, she qualified for a trusted position to keep Edward's metal arm secret.

When Ed accepted that he can no longer see Winry Rockbell, not even in the character of Winry Fulbright, he came at terms with his feelings. No, he accepted it long ago during his automail self-repair nights. He started thinking about her ever since he was sixteen and trapped alone in a world he wants nothing to do with. After Alphonse followed him, there was another journey. Still, he keeps holding on to that mutual agreement of her always waiting, just waiting for their return. Even though he knew, deep down, they would never be.

Coming back, that is.

Meanwhile, Al did not understand what's bothering his brother when he knew how much Ed missed having Winry around. Ms. Fulbright was the next best thing. Was it the fact that Winry had a boyfriend? It was. When Edward saw them kissing, no matter how much Al reminded him it was not their Winry, and even if she was he should not be jealous of his best friend finding love, Ed was rabid as if robbed of a property that was rightfully his.

And then the genius of Alphonse pieced together a puzzle that took him three years to understand. His brother was purposely failing relationships, because none matched up to the Winry he wants. And also, Ed was possessive. The thought of his Winry looking at other men, in the arms of another man, kissing him, making love with him and bearing his children had put murderous thoughts in Edward's head.

To put it simply, they came back. After three more years of trying hard.

----

Which puts us at Resembool seven years after the Elrics disappeared. Edward made his steady ascent to the hill. He left Al at central to deal with possible inquiries about their reappearance. He have to buy his brother some time. Edward will head home earlier; he has important things to attend to.

Edward knew he was pushing his luck by telling her now. He was not even sure if Winry had waited. She would be twenty-five and might have been married with a child. But he came home for it. This was their final try.

He stood around one hundred feet from their yard. An elderly Den did not even greet him. He smiled and patted the head of the geriatric dog, which earned him a lick of recognition. "Missed me, didn't you?" Ed played with his paw. The dog moved its head sideways and managed to wag its tail.

He looked around the house. Any foreboding thoughts were dispersed by overflowing emotions of yearning for that large yellow house on top of a hill. _So how should he go about this? Relax. _Sure the wind was dry and the house quieter. Auntie Pinako, he is guessing she had already died. He heard the sound of a welding machine and decided Winry must be at the backyard. He walked around in his usual fashion, when he saw an unfamiliar boy running around with a kite.

"Oh mister," the boy said rather surprised.

"What?" Rosé heard her boy stop laughing and looked from her laundry pile. _What?_ She squinted her eyes, it must be playing tricks. The image did not go away and she went into an absurd shade of red and put down her basket.

"Ed," she muttered first as if the man standing there was an illusion. When Edward smiled, she covered her mouth. "Edward you came back!" And Rosé ran to him. He laughed coolly and hugged her back.

"Who came back?" a young girl, of maybe two or three, curiously asked. The noise was new to her, hearing Aunt Rosé scream so loud. Edward looked at her and saw her unmistakably yellow hair, when a sudden feeling flooded his senses.

"Oh," Rosé said, recovering from her excitement. She looked at the child Edward was looking at. She smiled.

"Trisha," she motioned for the girl. "Come and greet Mr. Edward Elric. He is an old friend of your mom. Tell her he came back."

"OK!" the child beamed happily and ran inside. That was when they noticed the welding machine had already stopped.

Edward stood frozen in his spot. He knew he was pushing his luck, but then he didn't actually count on not being lucky.

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**A/N**: WOot. Did you like it?If you still wanna know what happens next, kindly REVIEW... 

BTW, this chapter is not edited and all, but it's still dedicated to:

LonelyLord,

Loki-The-Chocobo,

Yami and Ryoko, and

Shiro-chan

for reviewing the story! Thanks so much! And since I'm grateful for the review, here's another one!

**Edit**: I know the girl was named Melissa in my first post, but that was a mistake. In all other chapters, she was named Trisha. I thought about it before I figured out most authors also named the daughter Trisha. Only, mine's not Ed's.


	3. Reaction

**Title: Ordered Lives (Formerly posted as "He Came Back")**

**Author: meroe**

**Pairings: EdWin**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. I don't even do it justice.**

**A/N: I redid Prologue and Reunion. I even renamed the story and the chapters (Yay! I told you I can't come up with something at that time). To those who read this before, please read again. . I hope I made it better. My apologies, La Dame du Lac. I'll make up for it.

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**

**Ordered Lives**

**Reaction**

"Take care of it."

Al carefully put down the receiver, his face passive. For a while, he kept sitting in the high chair in the bar counter, chin resting on his hand. He paid the bill. Sometimes, we have to play the older brother. This was one of those times, his brother just went crazed.

But he did not blame him, if at all, he kind of blamed himself. He should have seen this happening; he was the one who out of sheer concern for Ed's emotional health convinced his brother to devote another three hard years to find a way back, unaided by wild inventions and cranked up societies.

But until Ed told him, he never thought of Winry marrying that early a possibility. His brother met him at Central, after calling him to invent some stupid excuse that the military wanted him on the double. They proceeded to rent a hotel room, and the rest of the night was worn away in a bar. Only after considerably halving the bottle of Whisky did his brother began to speak.

Quite honestly, he seemed to have been drinking since he was on the train. Al hoped he would stop, he could never take too much alcohol or his body would tolerate it. No one of Al's capacity wanted a brother turning into a drunkard waste.

Not that he didn't know what happened. When Edward called, his voice was rather detached, much like the same cool voice he mastered to adopt whenever he was hurt. That moment, he knew something went wrong.

Al drank with him patiently, as Ed had drank with him back when he had some woman problem in Munich. As he sat watching his brother drink his spirit away, he pondered reflectively. They mustn't stop now. The situation wasn't as bad as you first make it to be.

Or rather, they couldn't stop now. Even at this time of their lives, they were still wandering to find their lost home. The Elric brothers never stopped on their journey because they stubbornly insisted they had nowhere to come back. Just when they finally accepted the home left in Resembool, it stopped waiting for their return.

"Al, let's go," came his brother's drunken drawl. He looked at Ed and continued his drink. He slumped in his chair, idly fiddling his cup with his fingers.

"Brother, it wasn't as bad as you think."

Edward snorted.

"Somewhere along —"

"She was married. Had kid," he snorted. "Nice platter," he remarked as he shifted his attention to the workmanship of the platter that held their appetizer.

"Don't give up so easily—"

"It's fine."

"The line —"

"There was no line.

"Shut up brother!" Al rose from his seat, then checked himself. His brother looked at him lazily, not quite comprehending his anger. He fiddled his cup some more, drank its imaginary contents while Al refilled it for him. He smiled wearily. Al looked at him. For the moment, he could do nothing but let his brother numb his system down. He can get pretty intense, and when he was intense, he often went the wrong way. He knew the basic routine, go to a pub, drink some, talk some, force some direction to his increasingly directionless drive. It had been the trend since he started gaining height. That should have been a cause for celebration. But his dream of getting taller only brought the issue of his automail arm and hand, and automail lead to nothing but their frustrated recollections of a blissful home.

"So unlike you," Al gulped his last drink and shot his brother a challenging smile. _No_, he thought. He won't tell his brother about that urgent call just yet. "Giving up, that is.

Ed managed a broken smile. "Let me be," the formerly intense fullmetal answered. "Her words…hurt…here," he drawled lazily while making a vague motion to his chest.

Al considered him for a moment. _No, he's had enough_, he justified.

----

Meanwhile, Winry covered her dear daughter to sleep. How dare he show up this late, she smiled to herself. She didn't quite know what she felt. Their meeting was very civil. She didn't know what to do, she never expected him to return. But he was very civil about it, civil to a degree that it was quite impersonal, it hurt. It was not as if she no longer had any feelings for him. But she long ago placed the last image of the Elric brothers in a special place in her heart and locked it, she wanted to keep that image safe and taint-free.

"Mommy," Trisha moved to face her side.

"Hmmm?"

"Is he the famous Full Metel Alcwemst you and daddy told me about?"

She laughed. "Alchemist," she slowly repeated Trisha's words. The child blushed. "Yes, he is."

"Where had he been all this time?"

Winry felt shock. She mentally kicked herself and closed her mouth. It was an innocent question. Maybe Trisha wondered why that golden-haired man suddenly came to the picture when his daddy who used to talk about him was long gone.

Yes, her daddy was already gone.

----

"You see, I was living with Winry ever since we last met," Rosé casually told the story while Edward stood beside her, staring at the grave marker that was for Pinako Rokbell. "So many things happened, believe me. She told me she was going to Central. When she came back, she was happy and sad, I don't know at that time. She told me you came back, but something horrible happened, and you and Al had disappeared together for good. That was what the military said." The woman made a defeated sound. Ed did not appear moved at all.

Rosé looked at him and then at the grave marker he had been blindly staring at. "Don't worry, the shock will wear through," Ed shot up an eyebrow and looked at her. She smiled. "Yes, right? We're both adults now, there's no need to be ashamed. Honestly, it was quite naïve for you to not expect a scene like this," she continued with her gentle voice. Edward smiled. "Yeah, I guess so."

"It's just we were used to Winry just being Winry and being patient with us. We didn't realize we made an impression that we would never come back." He added light-heartedly. They started walking home.

"Everybody loved you both," she unexpectedly said as they made their way back.He looked surprised. "When the two of you disappeared, many invested on the fanciful idea of you two coming back. She did, but she was more resigned. You see, life goes on. After two years, Winry decided to move on. She was so vulnerable at that time — Edward inwardly cringed— it was a good thing that she fell in love again."

They began to descend the hill. Already, they can make out the sunny yellow house with two children playing on its front yard. "Shemet himthree years ago. Mark was a good man. It was unfortunate he died."

_Unfortunate?_ Edward thought. _It was luck_— he checked himself. Even so, it must have been painful. Death always was. The sense of calamity that awaits us after our loved one has departed, that is. It was selfish, but in death we cry only for ourselves. Because we knew it's us who lost something, the other rested in peace. "How did he die?"

"He was a soldier." _A soldier?_ he felt his blood rushing. "He died in action."

He was saved from the burden of reacting when they heard Ken, Rose's son, calling out. "Ah! Auntie Rosé!" Trisha came running to their direction, holding a broken toy train in her hand. Rosé bent and hugged the two kids.

"Hello sir," Ken smiled to them. "Edward Elric. Call me Ed." He grinned and shook the boy's hand. Ken smiled wide.

"Ano, auntie, I broke Ken's train. Can you fix it?"

"Oh, why don't you ask Mr. Elric over here? He was such a good alchemist of his time."

"Don't talk in past tense," Ed commanded. Rosé laughed.

"Uhm, Mr. Edward," Trisha looked at him hopefully and extended her hand which held the broken toy. "Heheh," Edward was about to alchemize it when a thought ran through his head. Instead, he procured some glue and fixed the tire the way he remembered his sensei had done before.

A look of pure adoration enveloped her face, and she suddenly hugged the little of Ed that she could grab. He fell back to the ground surprised. Rosé smiled as Ed awkwardly patted her head. "You see," Rosé began. "Trisha grew up with stories about you. Her parents fed her with it."

Just then, Winry came out of the house. She looked at Ed waving his arms at her. She managed a smile, much like her old faked smile and motioned the party to come inside the house for lunch.

----

"You know you can't send me away." Edward said with full conviction in his voice. This conversation had gone off absurdly and he was having, as usual, a hard time in keeping his emotions in check.

He should never have had the idea to talk with her after lunch.

"This conversation was long overdue," Winry said, trying to keep her voice even. "But I wish you realize_our_ situation now." _His nerve_, her wounded pride, a rather large portion of her that had been buried with her faith in Edward Elric, Mark Rother and love, shouted. She decided to say it out; she had enough torture repeating the questions for two years, then some.

"Walking out, waltzing in," she murmured.

"What? Ed looked at her, sitting defiantly before a cup of tea that could break in her grip. She was looking straight at him, and he was taken aback.

"Your nerve, acting as if nothing happened," she continued in a seething tone.

"What? Winry…"

She abruptly stood up; he went after her and grabbed her by the hand.

"LET GO OF ME EDWARD ELRIC!" Stunned, he let her hand drop and raise his arms in a form of surrender.

"Okay, ...calm down..." Winry never lost her cool this way, it was much better with the wrench.

"Winry," he began but felt the words stuck on his throat. His body went rigid at the sight of her tears, unabashedly flowing. What had he done.

She clenched her fists. This wasn't how their reunion should turn out. He was supposed to come back after three, four years, not seven. He was supposed to confess undying love, or missing her, whatever was sweet, and together they would be happy. They would marry and have children of their own. Not this way, when she already has Trisha. Did he know how many years it took her to concentrate her mind and put some order to what was left of her life when they 'heroically' disappeared?

It was bullshit.

There goes the frustration of seven years of believing all was over, and having your dream come true when you no longer want it to be. There goes three years of obsession and blindly staking everything with luck. The pain, misunderstanding and unrealized words made the distance farther than what he felt the night he stood with Ms. Winry Fulbright. She loved him too much she did not leave anything for herself. It was painful. At that moment, years of torturing herself with enduring memories, the pain of a love so greatly given that was never returned, it all went back to her that for a moment, she wished nothing but to inflict on him the same pain. The faint thought of him never appreciating her back then lingered. And maybe, by feeling what she was able to endure, he would begin to appreciate her strength.

She struggled for the right words. This time not to soothe, but to utterly crush him the way she remembered she was.

Finally, she raised her head. The look in her eyes told him something was coming. He only had enough time to warn himself.

"I wish you never came back, Edward."

It worked. The words hit home. She secretly relished as she saw the look of pain, no, horror, dilate his eyes.

When it was completely dark, he looked up. In the table, her wrench lay forgotten. God, how he hated that despicable contraption. But after all the words were spilled, he knew how much he yearned for it. At least, something other than his heart would hurt.

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**A/N**: WOot.So what happens next? Will Ed just bash himself senseless? Or will Winry just, well I don't know what Winry plans to do. This chapter is dedicated to: 

**ChibiRaccoon** — I'm so sorry (smiles sweetly) it took time. I was reconsidering the pace and how the story should progress, stuff, so sorry . I'm so happy you liked it, really your review made me going! I owe it to you I finished this chapter, so it's especially dedicated! I hope you like it (hugs). Please tell me what you think about the pace and stuff. Thanks! (hugs again)

**Loki-The-Chocobo** — No prob. Reviews keep me going, so everything dedicated to reviewers. . Anyways, I hoped you liked how it turned out (sweatdrops). No worries, (I worry about the pace though) but the story's far from over! Keep reading! XD

**Fullmetalwinry — **Thanks for the review! As promised, here's chapter two. I hope you like it!

**La Dame du Lac — **AWw, thanks soo much! I, erm, just hope you'll forgive me for revising the first two chapters . Please reread it. Tell me if it still works. I hope I made it better.

**Shir0-ChaN — **I got Ed IC! Yay, I got Ed IC! I was kinda worried they'll turn out OOC. Please tell me if they do. . Anyway, I sympathize. Yep, that knowledge was our (EdWin fans) only consolation from the movie.

**LonelyLord, and**

**heathkin. Thanks!**

Anyway, don't lose hope yet! Yep, Edward is so hating his life right now (I just love torturing our little bishie) . But keep on reading. I'm an EdWin fan, so some stuff's bound to happen. Thanks so much for the support, shiro-chan!

* * *

If you guys wanna suggest any ideas on what you think must happen, the floor's open. Or if you wish something to happen, review and I might consider it. ..Thanks to the readers and please keep on REVIEWING! That's if you wanna know what Al's gonna do with that call and how Winry will react to Ed… 


	4. Replacement

**Title: Ordered Lives **

**Author: meroe **

**Summary: A what-if exploring the many sides of the possible if Edward remains Edward and breaks the status-quo. **

**Disclaimer: If it was mine, I wouldn't trouble clarifying their emotions for myself **

**A/N:** Unfortunately, school and life comes first. It is our examination week in our university, and it's really busy with the upcoming fair. So forgive me if one chapter comes out after two, three days and nothing happens for a week. I will try my best to update on a more regular basis. The chapters were all planned. The only thing that keeps me from posting them is that they are unedited.

So, I know this is long overdue, but please enjoy.

* * *

**Ordered Lives**

**Replacement**

_Forever be the sweetest  
of all our love's refrain.  
Let death be the tenure  
And death part us in pain. _

_My first love had left me,  
I lie in grieving pain.  
Fate took its offer back  
I couldn't love again. _

_So bring me to the moon,  
Sweep me far beyond the sea.  
Let me dream of heaven on,  
But, what if, my first love calls me? _

_I shall love you as they say,  
My heart I dare you lock.  
Close the door and love shall latch.  
But, what if, my true love knocks?_

—First Love  
meroe, 2004

--

Help. That was her story.

She must help someone because that was her purpose. Back then, it used to be Edward and Alphonse.

In truth, her tears were insufficient. She grew up with two stubborn boys who naturally refused to cry. So she often cried in their place, in a symbolic gesture to relieve them of burden that was the only thing she can do. Winry was a confined audience to their story; she watched them chase wild dreams in the prison they made for themselves. Philosopher's Stone? Was that really capable of granting anyone's wish? If so, she would support them. Then, maybe, she could wish to the stone to give her brothers back.

_Was there such thing as unforgivable?_ she often thought. No matter how much good Ed and Al did, it was all canceled by the weight an 11-year old could never carry. Maybe that was why he broke down. But since he was Edward, even though broken, he'd be damned if he can't move forward with his life.

_And how much suffering do they have to endure so their angered gods might be pacified?_

In the end, she just had to believe the Elrics' theory was right. And hope that they would turn to her whenever they need comfort. It was sad how the story turned out.

--

After Alphonse followed his brother, Winry cried. No, those were tears of joy. Finally, their story ended. Quite happily. Afterall, Al got his body back. They were finally a family; a family she knew she can never be part of since the day they burned their house.

Somehow, she knew it would end that way. Some deep ache in her heart, it had always been there since she was young, like a silent siren she happily ignored to heed. She just prayed their time in that world will be happier than any they spent in Amestris. When the tears dried up, she moved on. She was Winry Rockbell, the Elrics' sister, and they taught her to be strong. She knew the brothers wanted her to live on. It would make them even happier if only they knew she was.

Finally she asked herself something she feared back then. What will she do now? But, it was easier to move on knowing that they were separated by the gulf of infinite space and time than just a stretch of land. Now, she would not be hurt if they did not return, simply because they no longer could.

In short, Winry was a happy and loving person. Until three years ago.

---

The night she tried to hurt Edward, Winry cried. She collapsed to the floor and cried in anguish, all the more painful because she can't cry out loud or her daughter will be troubled. Ever since Mark died she tried to be strong for Trisha. She tried so hard to command herself to apologize for what she said. She couldn't. She cried some more because she meant her words.

When her face felt rough from the dried-up tears, she calmed down. She opened the third drawer on her desk and pulled out an old notebook from it. Somewhere along, she learned that writing heals. Since her years of hard concentration to accept the fact they are not coming back, that notebook was witness to her emotional ordeal. She shuffled through its pages and read some entries, as if refreshing her memory as to what her life had been.

_My name is Winry Rockbell. But I plan on changing that to Elric. I loved him so much it would qualify me to be his wife—_

The first entry read.

_I met Mark Rother three years ago. He was a lieutenant in the army under nobody's command. If you're thinking he was similar to Edward, you are wrong. He was so different. Mark was not an alchemist. We met in Rush Valley because of our mutual love for mechanics. He was gentle and kind, and open about his feelings. He was cool and determined. Spirited and brave._

_His courage never failed him. That is why he's dead. _

_Just a month before our marriage, he was called to escort the convoy of the ministers going in a conference. Somebody opened fire and he retorted. He hit the man's leg and the man was disabled. They did not notice an accomplice until a bullet bore through Mark's head._

It was written after Mark's burial. And it seemed to her empty. It even sounded detached. The deep anguish that was there when she wrote the entry was gone. She closed the notebook. That was the last. After Mark's death, she never recovered from the feeling of betrayal by a higher order that commanded her stupid destiny. Being widowed twice. But she was never married before.

She tried to go to sleep.

--

The next morning, she tried to apologize for her outburst but Edward was gone. Again.

---

Edward walked the distance of that dark alley. That was a pretty convenient place for murder. No living soul could hear any whispered cry for help.

He stopped short of a door that looked like a back entrance to a pub. He looked up. Third window from the left of the broken pipe in the second floor. That must be the place.

After a few minutes, Rosé came out of the door. She smiled to him which Edward returned in half. She motioned for him to follow her, and they continued the remaining length of that malodorous alley until they reached a dead end. It was a typical scene for nighttime drama: boxes piled on top of each other, stacked against the wall, near a lamppost that dims every fifteen seconds. They sat down.

They did not look at each other. Rosé remained staring at the darkness from where they came from.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah." Rose closed her hands on top of his. Edward did not do anything. For a few minutes, they sat there holding hands.

"You can talk to me, Ed."

"What?"

Edward pulled his hand away. "You just have to let it out."

"I don't know what to let out."

Rosé smiled and held his hand again. No objection. Edward just sat there, trying hard not to feel anything or imagine a scene. He should feel something about a woman holding his hand, right? He didn't know what at the moment. He looked at their hands, then to Rose's face. He jumped away and instinctively transmuted his automail arm.

"Oh, you can't do that without this, can you?" came a teasing voice that Ed knew too well.

"You," he seethed at the seated figure of Rosé, holding his silver clock. His eyes widened. He clapped his hand and attempted to imprison her in a metal cage, but she only laughed shrilly. "You wouldn't do that anymore, would you? You know it takes the lives of friends you left back there—" Ed launched at her. "That was close," the woman said as she changed into a distinct form of Winry.

Edward looked at her. "Envy," he seethed in what he hoped was his most poisonous voice.

"Congratulations, you're correct." She sneered as she blocked Ed's blows with a wrench. "Sorry your girlfriend didn't wait for you, shorty. That was some dreadful fight you had." Edward managed a blow that landed squarely on her face. Envy looked royally annoyed and kicked his shin. Ed gasped and turned around quickly.The homonculuswas sitting on top of the wall near the lamppost.

"A pity, really," he said all the while sneering, curling the chain of his clock around his fingers. "You screwed up your life by yourself this time."

---

Edward opened his eyes. It wasn't as worse as the ones with his mother smiling to him, bleeding and asking him why he can't make her right. But still.

He stared blankly at the ceiling, trying to imagine its difference with the one in their apartment back in Munich. He went back because none matched to his Winry he left home. But that was no longer his Winry. His Winry never purposely faked a smile

Or was that still Winry? Of course. He just conveniently forgot people change. _Was her grief that much _— more importantly — _did he hurt her that much_, that she was forced to change this way? He shifted to his right and stared at the lamp. _Who was Mark?_ Was her grief for him or for that Mark? He was not certain who he want it to be, he didn't want to hurt Winry. Sure he had fun teasing her when they were children. He would even make her cry. But those tears were supposed to be shallow. They weren't supposed to hurt.

Some raw feeling deadened his chest. Seeing her cry her that much for another man. Just seeing her cry. And seeing her hate him when she could even forgive Mustang.

Suddenly, the window rapped. He jerked up. "Al?" he called. Al had been acting weird lately. If he knew better, he was probably trying to contact Winry. When there was no answer, he got up.

He carefully scanned the balcony. "Whoever is out there better scram away!" Ed shouted, trying to sound as threatening as possible. Naturally, there was no reply and he glared hatefully in some random direction.

It did not work. H seriously gone had gone soft in Munich; he could even control his mouth. He latched the balcony door.

Two roofs away, a man pocketed a binocular. Another picked up the phone. "Indeed sir. Golden hair and golden eyes. It seems that the Fullmetal Alchemist had returned for real," came the whispered smile.

---

"He's no longer here," Winry said dismissively to the air. The phone kept ringing.

She paused from her work. She was sure the call was for him again. It had all been for the last four, five days. She continued tightening a bolt. The phone kept ringing.

"Geez. Edward were have you been?" she asked no one in particular. She placed down her wrench and picked up the phone.

"Hello. Rockbell Automail Service. How may I help—"

She listened to a grainy voice in the other line. After a while, she smiled. "I remember you, hey."

For some minutes, she stood there mindlessly spouting random 'yes' 'yep' and 'that's right,' twirling the cord as she did so. Suddenly, her amused face grew serious.

"Where to?" she asked. "Why? Central?"

"Why can't you tell me?" she paused. The other line replied. She looked from her window. "Yes, everything's fine here," she said, watching the kids play outside. Rosé was gone to the market. It was Tuesday noon.

She withdrew her look. A look of deep concern was marked in her face. "Please tell me what is this all about." The line was cut. No sooner did she put down the receiver when the two kids happily ran inside the house, chasing each other for a particularly gross insect with its insides dangling out. Which was very lucky. Winry was about to say something about not bringing stuff like that inside the house when it went off.

The children screamed in terror. She instinctively ran to cover them from broken shards of glass that flew like daggers in the air. Her heart beat wildly in her chest, amid the echo of multiple gunshots fired in close range. Outside, the dog managed a strangled yelp Winry never thought it capable with its age.

"DEN!"

* * *

**End of Part I

* * *

****Edit: **Alas! After many tries, I fixed the problem with the space. If every scene since chapter 1 seemed mixed up (since there were no space indicators), you can reread it now. I fixed it, I hope.

**A/N:** Yay! I just love my reviewers! Since this is a story about love, I know it's ambitious as it's my first try. But you people just keep me going. I promise I'll do my best!

Though not imperative, it's better to read "The Price of Love" along with this chapter to better understand Winry's feelings for Edward.

This chapter is dedicated to:

**ChibiRacoon**

Yah, I meant that one! Anyway, thanks for the review. I hope you like this one. Sorry its late.

**Yami and Ryoko **

Yay, I'm happy you liked that drama. And I'm so sorry it took me quite sometime to update. I promise this was ready three days ago. I just haven't got around uploading it. Sorry! …

And thanks so much for your earlier review! "Just enough of background, yet not spending paragraphs and pages discussing it."

Yay! I'm so relieved. Thanks! Please keep on reviewing, your reviews are really helpful, my friend!

**animeaddict99 **  
Oh, thanks! Please keep on reading it! I'm so sorry it took so much time. And I apologize if the turnout of this chapter does not justify its delay (sweatdrops). I hope you like it.

**Seruleyan-Wings **  
Yay! Thanks for doing that! Knowing people who like your story keeps a writer going. I'm sorry I haven't e-mailed you earlier. I promise I will contact you as soon as my professors give me the time. Really, they demand so much!

Seriously, if I inspired you whatsoever () I'm SOO fulfilled. I mean, it's not everyday that someone says 'you've inspired me', right? Thanks! I'm glad I got them IC. Honestly, this is my first attempt at a multi-chapter. Anyway, I can't put too much in here, so I'll just send you a message. Yay! So many thanks, really! It's the first time I got such a review!

**f-zelda **  
Thanks for liking the story! Gyah, and so sorry it took me so long to update. EdWin rock on! Haha! Though I admit there haven't been any romance going on yet. I promise to bring them out around chap 7. Keep on reading it, thanks!

**incognito panda **  
Yay, did I pull that drama right? Yah, so happy… Thanks for reading and reviewing! And yep, still more drama coming up!

**Loki-The-Chocobo **  
…WOot. Sniff sniff. Thanks for the review, Loki. Nothing much to say. It justified my chapter and kept me going. Sniff, thanks. Please continue your support guys. Just tell me what you think.

**LonelyLord **  
Yeah, I agree. When I thought about it, I suppose Winry can think about that line, but she can't say it out loud to Edward. I know she can't say such harsh words, but she did anyway. Let's just suppose Winry's temporarily out of her mind. I will be if a ghost of my past reappears a time when I can no longer trust love.

A lot of things happened.

Thanks so much for constantly reviewing my works! Yay, you're so nice, helping me all the way.

**La Dame du Lac **  
Sigh. Glad I made it. . I hope you like this one too. Take care!

**cartoonwatcher31 **  
Yay! I'm sorry (I know I've said that a lot of times now) it took me time. I hope that won't drag you down. I was so worried it would make you guys disappointed at me. . Anywayz, here's another. Please keep on reading. I'll do my best not to take this much time again.

**Shir0-ChaN **  
Yep, that one's sad. Ed's really depressed and stuff. I entirely sympathize. I was also depressed with the ending. I mean, come on! What kind of ending was that! After all the pain and effort they exerted, it still wouldn't turn out the way they wanted? A part of me wants to believe that in the end, man is justly rewarded with that for which he toiled so hard for.

Anyway, thanks so much! I'll repeat my line (I'm really bothered by it): I apologize it took time. Huhuhu.

Again, I apologize it took time. However (/evil grin/), whether or not I'll finish Part II that soon depends on your feedback. I told you I appreciate it, it's what keeps me going. When someone likes your story, an author is forced to work his imagination.

So thanks for reading. And kindly REVIEW.


	5. Refusal, Regrets

**Ordered Lives**

**Part II

* * *

**

**Refusal**

* * *

_If you let yourself feel too much, you won't be tough enough to defend yourself later on._

–_P.C. Jersild, After the Flood

* * *

_

_Standard disclaimers apply._

--

Alphonse Elric waited as an officer opened the door of his car. He looked at the imposing granite structure before him. He had enough time to swallow his fear.

Fear. They long ago tried to forget what it meant. An officer was assigned to him at the front desk. This past week, he quickly caught up with the state of affairs. A political tension —no, turmoil— with neighboring countries. It wouldn't be a longshot if one declares a war. It seems the government is trying to amend the laws pertaining to the practice of alchemy. An international conference involving all five countries was called. Citing the unfortunate events in Amestris — the disappearance of its Fuhrer, the scandal of its army, the unrest of its provinces —, other member nations suspected the country of conducting illegal alchemy research and lobbied for a drastic measure that demanded Central to hand over confidential researches.

_Do not transmute gold._

_Do not transmute human beings._

_Swear you allegiance to the army._

In their selfish pursuit since childhood, they rightfully became the greatest alchemists of history. They broke laws. They made their own. In Munich, the thought of severe persecution they somehow foiled off was their only consolation.

He knew he was too young to hold such conclusive information, but he and his brother were the only ones who knew about the Homunculus, Dante and the Philospher's Stone. He was quite certain they were the only ones, in the whole history of their world, who succeeded human transmutation. He doubted if there were also others who were as courageous to report what lies behind the gate.

When he was sixteen, he wondered if they have to live such complicated lives. There was a certain paradox in being raised in the peace of a very remote village and living with the most dangerous controversies of the city. If their mother didn't die, would his brother even dream of crossing the boundaries of possible? Will they be content of hearing the myths of the Stone and stay as good alchemists of Resembool, repairing neighbor's broken barns? Perhaps, they would still yearn for that forbidden, wondering how dangerous it might be.

The fact that their father happened to live for four hundred years perhaps put them in deep shit. He'd prefer calling that destiny. They had to be special, it can't be helped.

Al tried to shut his thoughts out. Depending on his move, they will be revered as heroes or executed as traitors.

This is his task. He decided to take care of it for his brother. The Winry Problem was another matter they have to deal with later. Afterall, when all is said and done, they still have nowhere to come back to. His guide knocked three times at a large mahogany double door. He walked forward as two officers saluted a man who sat with his back facing the door.

The man closed the silver clock he had been examining for sometime and faced the group. His gray hair was glistening in the ample sunshine that bathed the paneled room. "You may leave," he motioned the two soldiers.

"Yes, sir!"

"Carry on." He looked at his guest. For a minute, he regarded him, perhaps trying to intimidate the young man into as much discomfiture as possible.

"Alphonse Elric, is it?" General Hakuro finally said.

"Yes, sir." Alphonse politely replied.

"Please sit down." Al moved to a chair to the right. The general continued surveying him for a while. "I see." He sighed as he swiveled his chair to reach for a file that had been in his incoming tray for, Alphonse could tell, quite sometime.

"It's true. You have returned."

"Yes sir."

"With your brother?"

"Yes."

"Should I say, it's good?" the general mused to himself. He shuffled the papers. Alphonse was quite bemused. He expected the general to be ready for this meeting. He received the call a few days ago and politely rescheduled. But Hakuro, for lack of better term, looked tired.

"Well," he said as he placed down the papers. "Welcome back." he said in what he thought was an overly sarcastic voice. "I would assume you are quite aware the manhunt for your brother, the Fullmetal Alchemist, had never been lifted ever since it was issued nine years ago?"

Al looked at him. Quite blunt. "I had the information back then that it was lifted, in view of the succession of confusing events that took place in Central during that time," he chose his words carefully.

"Colonel Armstrong hired a lawyer to clear his case. But as you know, a client can never be represented without his physical presence in a court-marshal." Hakuro smiled.

Al did not reply. He knew the general was trying to make him say something in reference to where they had been for seven years. He just stared at the General. Bolder, he thought, than he could muster when he knew very well they were guilty of running away from active service. "Well?" General Hakuro continued. He won't let this younger Elric outsmart him, not when he finally had his icing on his overly baked cake.

"I have no comment."

General Hakuro sighed self-importantly and examined his fingers. He rested his chin above them and looked straight at Al. "I figured we must be frank about this, Mr. Alphonse Elric." He was trying his best to sound authoritative, Alphonse thought.

"Concerning your brother, Mr. Edward Elric. The manhunt was never called off since your brother failed to clarify his name up to the present moment. The suspicions that tied him to the uprising in Lior which took more than 1000 lives nine years ago were never cleared." he paused for a calculated accent . "Shortly afterwards, your brother was reported missing. He did not appear for another two years. Could the military perhaps take this as a sign of guilt?" he smiled provokingly from the corner of his lips.

"After which he disappeared again without cleaning his name." he continued. "A search team was sent often to Resembool — Al's eyes widened. — where the investigation team found out that a certain Winry Rockbell might know his whereabouts. The same team went to Youswell and to every single town and city where you conducted researches twelve years ago. What did they found there?" he suddenly asked.

Al snapped. So everyone had been searched. But he still had his cards. It's not like these people knew anything conclusive. Not even Winry, and he inwardly thanked that they never told her specific details of their journeys. The people with crucial information were all under the military's snotty nose.

He knew no one would betray their secrets. They all fought for the same reason. And you can never reconcile reason with blind following.

"Nothing." General Hakuro smiled. "There was nothing."

General Hakuro observed him for quite sometime. The ticking of the clock served to make the silence more intolerable. "Should I take your silence as… something else?" he asked suggestively.

"No sir. I wish to consult my brother before I make a statement." Al said evenly. Hakuro frowned. He was visibly irritated. He had waited for this scene, the brothers' statement about the Stone, like it was his final move to sponsor the memorandum that would clarify the army's name. It would make him a hero.

"Please understand that I am giving you a chance to explain yourself." Al did not appear moved. His only purpose was to hand over the report that would buy them sometime until he analyze who they are going against. He had a hunch it would be tough. Legal battles are more excruciating than basic hack and kill.

"Upon investigation," Hakuro continued "of your records, we found out something that must have been inconvenient for your party." He appeared to be expressionless. Al felt this was his last card.

"The military knew that you, Mr. Alphonse Elric, used to be an empty walking armor. But it's clearer than daylight!" he added light-heartedly. "I can perfectly see that you have a flesh body now." His face got serious. "How did this happen? Could it be possible that you got hold of the object of your research, the Philosopher's Stone, without rightfully telling the military about it? But more important than that, how did you get that armor body?"

Alphonse appeared to frown. Hakuro smiled victoriously.

"What happened in Resembool fourteen years ago?"

Al knew they were in deep shit. One week is never enough to research their case and contact everybody who might have let slip an information about their past, thinking it would do no harm as they are already, dead? Such deep shit, now that they are no longer under military immunity, he knew that human transmutation entails capital punishment.

---

"Do not transmute gold. Do not transmute humans. Swear your allegiance to the army. Those were the three laws of alchemy laid down for National Alchemists. We broke all three. Not that anyone will know about the first, not unless you're willing to add to our ever stupendous list of offenses," Ed recited as he bit the last morsel of cake they shared. It was 11:42 in the morning. He opened an eye to peer at Al, who sat groggily at the foot of the mini-stair in the hotel room they shared.

"Brother," Al snored. He was still wearing his pajamas. "I think I missed break…faaaassst?" he stifled a yawn.

"Very smart Alphonse." His brother answered dryly. "So, what happened yesterday?" he sat and grabbed a pitcher of water.

"Nothing much." Al stood up to join his brother at the table Hakuro knew we did a taboo, did another taboo to cover for that taboo, and did a third one to make up for those taboos. And he hints we can't get away with all those information that would be the finale to his wonderful report that will clear the military's name in exchange for our necks."

Edward gulped the water down. Al poured one for himself. His brother burped and grabbed a piece of bread that was particularly hard. "We ran out of luck." He said flatly.

Al smiled. "It seems so brother."

"Piece of shit," Edward spitted as he threw the bread back to its basket. "Whoever baked this doesn't know the difference between bread and cookie. Al, pass the butter."

"Then just eat it as if it's a cookie," Al answered as he chewed his bit.

"I don't like cookies. Its bits stick to my teeth."

"More like because it comes with milk."

"Shaddup Al," he drawled lazily. The phone rang. "Al, pick it up."

"Seriously brother, you're lazy." Al said with contempt, but obeyed anyway. "Hello." He said as he kept on munching their 'bread.'

"Oh, Rosé!" Edward opened his eyes. "Yes, brother's here," Al chirped happily. Edward looked, pretending to be just slightly interested.

"What? Someone opened fire!" Al shouted incredulously. "Where are they! Are you alright!" Some pause. "OK. Good. That's good to hear." he covered the mouthpiece and looked at his brother. Edward looked serious. "What that about?"

Al turned to the phone again. "Were coming," he confirmed as Edward looked slightly confused, ambling along to fish for their cloaks.

--

"Al," Edward said suddenly as the train pulled off its fifth stop. "If that Mark died three years ago, this assault has something to do with us."

Al glanced. "Uhm."

"If someone let slip something about our background, they must have done so unconsciously. Seeing as it won't affect us anymore, we're dead."

"They didn't think we died."

"We were both listed MIA. That's good as dead. I wonder who got our pension then?" Ed asked. They both looked out the window at the rolling countryside.

"Only Mustang and Lt. Hawkeye knew about our past."

"The Major too."

"Yeah. I don't think any of them would stupidly reveal that information. Who could it be?"

"You're not thinking Winry did it, do you brother?" Al said accusingly.

"I didn't say anything."

"She didn't do it," the younger said with full conviction. For a few minutes, they were silent. After passing the field that was their marker for the outskirts of Resembool, Ed murmured.

"If it wasn't from the military, maybe it was an officer who had hidden agenda with alchemy research." The countryside scene blurred before him. "Or it could be a politician who wanted to know something about the Philosopher's Stone. I never thought we'd get involved in this big a scene again," he continued murmuring to the window. "I thought everything will be fine, if we could just….return."

Al kept staring at an uninteresting detail of the floor. What? They discussed what to do with the military when they return, but not that much. He was never successful in pushing his brother to talk of something he doesn't want to acknowledge possible.

"There was a massive loyalty check in the army. It seems that the military's clearing up its ranks." Al commented.

Edward looked at him for a moment and returned his gaze at the countryside. Another silence.

"Brother, will we publish our research?" he asked.

"Don't be stupid."

"What's so stupid about that?"

Edward regarded him. "Use your brain Alphonse," Al felt insulted. "Not everyone will want to believe you."

"But it's the truth brother! It's bound to come out sooner or later, but it will. After us, someone will just discover these things; we have to put an end to this!" He said vehemently.

"Al, no one would want to give up on the Stone. It's the fire of ambition. Believing in something that would be able to reverse any wrong you've committed now… It gives you freedom to experiment on anything without being restrained by duty," he paused

"Like us… we used to go through life with that in mind." he finished lamely.

"Even still brother…" Al sighed defeated. "What will _we_ do? Run away _again_?" he half-whispered. Edward pretended not to notice. He did not say anything again.

"I only thought of coming back, brother. I just wanted to be home."

--

* * *

**Ordered Lives**

**Part II**

* * *

**Regrets

* * *

_Of all the words of tongue and pen, these are the saddest: "It could have been…"_ **

* * *

_Insert standard disclaimer here._

_--_

The punctured walls had been plastered and the broken windows boarded up. When the Elrics arrived, the last of the older villagers who volunteered to guard the assaulted family went home. Before leaving, he showed to the brothers the carcass of the old faithful dog.

The adults sat around the dining table, quiet after their first discussion. The children, by the women's instructions, stayed in their rooms. The setting sun did not help dispel the gloomy atmosphere that settled between the Rockbells trying to discern and the Elrics trying to cover up.

_Did you see their faces?_

_No_

_Did the villagers notice some suspicious people lurking in Resembool lately?_

_No_

_Did you report to the police?_

_Yes_

_What did they say?_

_Nothing._

"What kind of answer was that?" Ed grumbled. Winry looked up.

"Did anything happen at Central?" she asked, with a trace of concern Al was careful to note.

"Nothing." Ed was quick to answer. Al played along. Winry looked at the two of them, and Rosé looked alternately among the three, conscious of the growing tension and rigid emotions.

"Since when did Resembool become a target for such lowly threats?" Ed murmured under his breath.

"Since you came back, apparently." came the thinly veiled remark.

Edward frowned and looked at her. She bowed her head. Though Winry was worried, her remark was anything but bitter. "There's no need to be that harsh," he said carelessly. "Last week hurts enough."

Winry jolted, though she was too much of an actress right now they didn't notice.

By now Rosé felt too uncomfortable. She felt as if their conversation — or non-conversation — was something confined to the three childhood friends. The depressing silence seemed to suffocate her usually tolerant nature. "Hey," she began, addressing a comment on Edward's limbs, which, she noticed, still seem to be made of automail. But Edward stood up. "Eh?"

"I'm going to bury Den properly." He left the table.

"But it's evening already! You can do it tomorrow" Rosé protested as she motioned to the sky outside. Edward went through the back door. Al looked at Winry, her head still bowed to herself. Back then, she was always quick to Edward's defense. When they were children, she never let one get away with a living insult to directed to the Elric brothers. When Edward disappeared, he watched her take care that his memory rest in good peace.

"You shouldn't do this Winry." He softly said.

Some tears tried to make their way, and Winry had to inhale to compose herself. "Who are you to tell me this, Al?"

"Your childhood friend." He replied evenly. Winry frowned. "I…" Al hesitated. "Know you didn't mean to hurt brother…really."

Rosé gave up. She quietly left the table and let them face their warped emotions. Al smiled to her back as Winry valiantly tried to blink back tears. "Al…"

"We're sorry." Al tried to reach for her hand, hesitated, then reached for it again. "We tried to come back. We… tried. And came back." he pressed her hand and slowly stood up to follow his brother outside. On the way, she tapped Rosé's arm as a silent thank you. She looked at where Winry remained seated. The back door closed, and she walked up to her friend.

"Winry?"

"I'm sorry, Rosé." She whispered. The other woman smiled as she bent down to give the blonde a comforting hug. She moved back to the Rockbells after Mark Rother died to help her old friend raise her child. "Now, now," She soothed to the air. "Calm down. Trisha will come down for dinner soon."

Winry clenched her hand, frowned and smiled.

--

He leveled the mound and patted the ground. For a dog to reach almost 19 years was a miracle, and for it to die violently is, cruel at least. Den had been a symbol of their presence in the Rockbell house. It was his dog as much as Winry's, for it always behaved like he would if ever he was around.

Meanwhile, Winry made her steady ascent to the hill. She carried a lamp in one hand and a basket in the other. It was time for dinner but the brothers had not yet returned. Rosé was left tending to the children. If they want to camp out, then let the Elrics camp out. But it would be inhuman not to bring them food at least.

She paused as she noticed the enthusiastic figure of Al waving to her. On that hill underneath their favorite tree that was the coolest spot at this time of the year, the brothers stood. A scene replayed in her mind when the brothers went home once for repair. Only, that time Al was a living armor. Now he was nineteen years old and very much flesh than his brother could ever be.

"Look who we have." Al smiled. Edward looked passively and continued leveling the mound. He decided to ignore his brother's lack of enthusiasm. "Hey," Al said lamely as Winry arrived.

"Hey."

Edward rested the shovel against the trunk of a tree. He stared at the mound. "I'm sorry for Den,"

Winry smiled. "It was… well. He was going to die soon, he's old. You know? Perhaps… well it wouldn't make much of a difference. Really—"

"It was still cruel." Ed finished bitterly.

"Brother," Al warned. He wanted his brother to be at least nice. He looked expectantly, half-knowingly at Winry, who was clearing a few twigs from a spot near the root of the tree and setting down the lamp and dinner basket. Ed just stood there, and so did Al.

Winry slowly stood up. "Well, I brought you guys dinner." She paused, waiting for their reaction. Her fingers crossed and uncrossed at her back. Al did not notice her fidgety behavior, which, strangely enough, she wishes he would notice. Ed looked at her, but with an expression as if he was unsure if she expected them to say thank you. "Well," she sighed. _Maybe it could wait_. "Well, I'll be going." She planned her voice to be cold, but the coldness itself betrayed her need for warm conversation.

"No please, wait!" Al was about to grab her arm but stopped in mid-motion, as Winry immediately stopped form her track. "Uh," _it was weird how we couldn't talk properly_, Al would like to add. But maybe it would be unsafe to start that way.

"Thank you," Edward covered up for Alphonse's lapse. He looked at Winry briefly, and then looked away. Al smiled. "Winry, had you had dinner yet?" Winry nodded. "Uh, well in that case… Just join us for dinner tonight?"

Winry looked at Alphonse' earnest eyes, then to Edward's profile. While this awkward conversation took place, he spaced out. Like thinking of a plan, or analyzing events, most probably. Either way, he seemed to be making up his mind. She could not help but frown at those eyes that often shone with determination and half-hidden sorrow. And those times, her heart always win.

---

They sat there. Just sat. Well, Ed sprawled on the ground, against the tree, hugging his fake arm, for some reason. Winry protectively hugged her knees.

"What did you do in Munich for seven years? I thought you vowed to get Ed's real limbs back."

"Well, you see. We tried to be the guardians of the gate. But didn't I tell you? The three years were spent trying to figure out how to come back."

"Yeah." She plucked a grass from the ground for her stupidity.

"Why did you come back?" she ventured, careful to let in a tinge of curiosity in her voice. Edward snorted. The younger brother decided to ignore that.

"Brother missed you." He said simply.

Winry looked at Ed whose face was turned away. She smiled. "Why, didn't you miss me too, Al?"

"I kept my promise." Then he frowned. "Yes. Winry, do you remember the day I set off to sensei again? We promised to work hard."

"Yes. You said you were going to study hard and find Ed. And come back."

"Well, I kept my promise…" he trailed off.

"What?"

"Sorry if our delay caused you pain."

Winry looked away and smiled. It was always unfair how they blamed everything to themselves. Then she frowned as she remembered her blaming them too. "Us."

"Hn?" Al looked at her.

Winry shook her head and smiled at Al. Al smiled back. _Finally_, that wasn't fake.

"I… kept my promise too." Was all Winry said.

Al looked at his watch. It's getting late. Edward still wouldn't warm up. He looked at his brother. "Brother, why won't you talk to Winry?" Winry looked at Ed. She smiled and punched him lightly on the arm. Which was a mistake.

"What?" he growled.

"Oh," she pulled her arm back and hugged her knees. "I just wanted," she thought for a while." To know what happened in Central."

"Nothing happened in Central."

"Yes something did."

"Nothing."

"I knew something did. I'm not stupid."

Edward snorted. "Who told you?" he asked sarcastically. Winry's eyes flared. "Was that supposed you be an insult?" she asked with a most even voice she could manage.

"Well…" Edward yawned. "Who knows?"

"Brother!"

"It's alright Al. It looks like your brother is in no mood to talk."

"It's because you keep on nosing out in things you knew never happened. It's because you can't trust us when we said nothing happened in Central. You make a big deal out of things."

Winry jerked Al's hands off the basket and abruptly stood up. "_Liar_," she seethed.

"Yeah what makes you so sure!" Edward shouted as he stood up.

"Scieszka called me and told me you two were facing court marshal! And _my_ daughter and Ken and I were freaked to death because henchmen went trigger happy to scare people they thought were hiding at _my_ house!"

Ed's eyes widened. "We weren't hiding in _your_ house! You wouldn't even let _us_ stay!"

"Brother!" Alphonse held Winry by the shoulders to calm one down. "Winry, hey, sorry, no, brother didn't, hey no sorry," he fumbled for his handkerchief as tears made their way. She shook, trying to keep her ground, refusing the proffered cloth. Al hugged her as she tried to put off the show of tears. "Hey, no. Winry calm down." Al looked at Ed who stared at the ground biting his lip.

"Brother you idiot!"

Edward looked helplessly bitter at her valiantly trying to suppress the tears, which naturally made her look more pitiful than she could have had she been just crying. He shook his head and punched the tree. "Shit!" he walked away.

Alphonse shook his head ruefully and just hugged Winry who was gently pushing him away.

"Ed!"

Edward stopped at her shrill voice. He was halfway down the slope from shame and guilt and anger. She wiped her tears and took two, three raspy breathes. "Ed please," she wiped her eyes some more. "Ed please talk to me."

"Please," she wiped her eyes again. "Why… why do you always try to hide your problems." She sniffed. "Look, I'm really sorry about those awful things I said. I knew I was irrational. It was really my fault. I just want to blame it to other people. You were the closest candidate. It was." She cried and wiped her eyes again.

"I meant those words. But… but I also want to help. I know you were both… both in trouble…so…," she sniffed. Edward started to walk away again. "ED!"

Winry collapsed on the ground. "I just want you to talk! I just want to help! I'm just worried! Don't you realize I'm happy when I can help! Why won't you let me help you! Why, Ed!" she wailed. Alhponse patted her back.

"…Why… Ed… I … talk…just…help," she sniffed. Al wiped her tears. "Thank you," she whispered. Al shook his head. He looked at his brother. Who, he knew, was too embarrassed to say anything. Embarrassed and frustrated because he always wanted not to make Winry cry. Embarrassed because he was acting childish, not facing his fears. Frustrated, because he wanted to cry for himself, but no matter how much he squeezed his eyes, the tears would not come out.

* * *

A/N: I know I have lame excuses for keeping this equally lame chapter for more than a month. I can't answer reviews right now. But I want you to know guys I really appreciate it. And I'm really very sorry that despite your good reviews, i.e. your being good to me, it took me this long. 

So, as a bonus, this is a double chapter. Yippee! My longest ever, if you notice. XD

Ah, yeah I remember now exactly what happened. I wrote this more than a month ago, just after my last update. Then, somewhere along the line, I got really busy ( I know, I know, it's a pathetic excuse) and forgot to post it. I rarely log on. I stopped reading stories. And then I lost my inspiration, so there. I hesitated if I should still post it. I hate late stories myself, so I don't know if I should still get this one going. Then I realized I should try if people are still reading this. So there. Ramblings finished.

Real sorry LonelyLord, Seruleyan Wings if I haven't kept in touch like I promised. Thanks for understanding me, really.

P.S.

I know its tempting. So click that purple button already.


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